Investment

“Don’t forget your lottery ticket, it’s very important” the ticket collector advises as I enter the theatre after getting my ticket ripped. I turn around, surprised and sure enough a veritable ‘euro jackpot’ lottery ticket is handed to me. Five minutes later I am in my seat and the show begins. Three actors stand on a bare stage, they address us conversationally, immediately breaking ‘the fourth wall’. The effect is that of a conference or a talk. The premise? Financial advice in case we do find ourselves in the fortunate (or unfortunate, depending on your stand point) position of winning the Lottery Jackpot two days later. The word ‘Investment’ looms large above the audiences’ heads on a large screen at the back of the stage, capitalist advice to the punters ‘invest wisely or you might lose it…’

The lighting is natural, you get the feeling that the actors or ‘advisors’ can see you just as clearly as you can see them. They speak casually and effortlessly.

The show is split into three parts:

Part 1 provides information on the charities that one could hypothetically decide to donate to if the money was won. The three have put research into the ‘best’ charities on the market, with ratings based on their efficiency, what they do and how well they do it. Those presented to us are: ‘Stop Hunger Now’, aiming to end world hunger and sporting a very high efficiency rating due to the fact that it is run purely by volunteers “they’re Christians, they don’t need to be paid”; ‘The RSPCA’ and finally ‘Trees for the future’ with not such an impressive efficiency rating, (“atheists just need to be paid”). The charity however, makes up for this flaw based on its ability to ease a modern conscience: One can carbon guzzle all they want with safety in the knowledge that the trees they paid to be planted are “saving (their fossil fuelled) ass”. The charity gives out badges with slogans like “carbon free car” when one invests in enough trees to ‘clear their car’.

Part 2 addresses how to most effectively ‘invest’ your money. Three businesses are presented to us, all with “real potential for the future” and by extension our money. One example mentioned was ‘FN Herstal’ an arms supplier based in Belgium and their “iconic” new invention, the fondly named ‘minimi P90’: a lethal weapon, small yet powerful and talked about with the same breeziness one might use when referring to a favourite type of tea.

Part 3 considers what one may be able to buy with the winnings. The words ‘Invest in yourself’ appear proudly on the screen, belonging to a corny American advertisement for ‘self-help’. Everything from luscious properties in sought after locations to Life Jackets from the Titanic or lifetime supplies of caviar are brought into consideration. After all, were talking 10 million euro right, one has to have options?!

The slide show continues, showing option after option of things one can do or buy with an obscene amount of money, like a shopping channel for the rich and powerful. At this point the actors are rushing around the stage, interpreting everything that comes up on the slide show behind them into amusing physicality. The professionalism and facade has been ripped away, the result is complete farce: the music is stronger and louder, the lights increasingly gaudy. Derek Mahon’s famous poem ‘From the ridiculous to the sublime’ comes to mind, this time the other way around. The ‘sublime’ is the first taste of money, the ‘ridiculous’ is the selfish logic which then comes to pervade within a capitalist economy. A spiralling into utter chaos and BANG the actors are on the floor, an over dose of wealth, but hey it’s okay as the next slide shows a ‘marble mausoleum’ available for 100,000 euro.

Investment was an unusual, funny and exciting show with very sinister undertones. You will laugh, you will think and hey, you might even win the lottery… What would you do with the money?

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