The 21st Century Slut: She's a Life Ruiner. She ruins People's Lives
The 21st century slut: She’s a life ruiner. She ruins people’s lives.
As a college student in 2016, I enjoy a high degree of sexual liberty. But in this so-called progressive era, slut shaming is as prevalent as ever; with women being held to an extraordinarily out-dated double standard.
My workplace is male-dominated. My male, hetero co-workers often chat about the exploits of
their previous nights out during a shift, patting each other on the back if they managed to pull or meet a girl. Now don’t get me wrong - I love my job. We have great banter and I would consider the guys my friends. However, when I become the focus of said banter, there are sinister undertones. I often have to put up with the discomfort and awkwardness that accompanies being slapped on the ass with a spatula (sounds ridiculous, I know) by my male superior. Since finding out that I am bisexual, the guys take every opportunity after an interaction with a female staff member, to gleefully ask “would ya!?”. God forbid I am no “craic” and don’t participate in the banter, cos it’s only a joke sure isn’t it?
Yet when they know I have been on a night out, they tell me they’re “proud” of me if I didn’t get with anyone. The discomfort with being made to feel like a sexual object in a work place by my male superiors is compounded by the fact that for me to actually be sexually liberal is shameful in their eyes, or a reflection of “low self-esteem”. One of them has gone so far as to turn around to ask me, after noticing a hickey on my neck, when the last time I got an STI check was, because “I’m worried about you, Lil”.
Whether I should or not, I can nonetheless, put up with boys projecting their fantasies of male domination and objectification on me. I can put up with the ideal image of a woman as being a subservient vessel for male enjoyment, as porn teaches them to do for years before they even manage to get a girls pants off. The reason is: I don’t find their paternalistic moral piety half as damaging as that which is inflicted by fellow females- yes girls, YOU, on each other.
Many of us will have had that “friend” who has so readily condemned us for the people we’ve ‘stooped so low’ as to fuck. Have you ever heard the expression “When you point the finger, there are three pointing back at you”? God forbid we experiment a bit, drink too much or make a bad decision, yet before you know it you’re the slut who ruins people’s lives (the latter may not apply to everyone, but I have made some pretty poor decisions and have had some shitty friends in my time…).
Women still have difficulty achieving equality in the reception of their sex lives. This is arguably because women have traditionally been encouraged to feel insecure: from shampoo bottles telling us everything that could possibly be wrong with our hair to every new product that’s going to make us feel “empowered”. It would seem that most women are completely incapable of having confidence in themselves, which must be why some sleep around right?! I propose that it is not out of insecurity that one might sleep around (it’s fun for gods’ sake!), but that insecurity is the reason there is still a negative stigma attached to it. I still hear the horrible things my, so called, school friend says about me; condemning the fact that I still enjoy nights out and casual sex (I know, at 22 years of age! What is the world coming too?!).
I am aware that this may be an extreme example, nonetheless it is clear that insecurity is a dangerous vice. The expression above suggests that you will be quick to condemn someone for doing something that you would personally like to disassociate from. In the worst cases, insecurity, which is so difficult for some people to admit to themselves, can ferment into moral piety. This is why girl-on-girl slut shaming still occurs, because it is much easier to take it out on someone like me, a hapless ‘slut’ who seems to fall at every hurdle in life and make a shit storm for herself that is oh so easy to condemn. So if it makes you feel better about yourself to call someone a slut, or you find it wipes away your own uncouth sexual experiences and drunken nights, be my guest. However, I would encourage you to dabble in some introspection, gals, if you can bear it. I can admit I have let my insecurities dictate my friendships with negative people who have indulged in putting me down, and that maybe I do need to set higher standards for myself, in terms of friends and sexual partners. But for my own benefit and not anyone else’s. Cos me? I just wanna bake cakes and rainbows.
RANT OVER.
